So yes, I do realize that this post is titled First Fridays(will now call FF), and no your eyes are not playing tricks on you. I was being a procrastinator about writing this entry because I knew how sad the results were! Since my last FF post, I have lost a total of 2lbs and some change... a reality that I am not pleased with. So what went wrong, you might be asking? I am sure that I could feel this blog space with plenty of justifications, reasons, & excuses as to why I did not lose more weight. And some them are merited...actually no, none of them are merited, thus the problem at hand. However there is something deeper happening and I guess I need to ask myself if I really want to go there. If I really want the Spirit to expose some things and some patterns in my life that are a hindrance...as if I can hide something from God! HAHAHA! In the midst of this first month on the journey, I confess that I have felt disconnected with our accountability group. Not just because we started on the heels of the arrival of our daughter, but there has just been this weight (figuratively speaking) holding me down. Therefore it became easy for me to say "well I can't help what I eat right now because people are being kind and cooking dinner for our family." I know you can agree that the last statement sounds as lame as it looks! But here is the good news...
I realized last week that I was once again looking at this all from the wrong perspective. Our groups deals with physical, spiritual, emotional and mental perspectives of living. I was again looking at this only from the physical level. Physical in the sense of what and how I was eating and the lack of physical activity that was and is happening in my life. I feel as if the Lord is dealing with me in some areas (spiritual) and the truth is I cannot conqueror the other components without Him and His guidance. Especially if one of the cornerstone verses of this study is "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." [Philippians 4:13] The one thing I have to remind myself is that may at this time, God does not what me to focus on the weight, but focus on His voice.
During our Good Friday service, there was a thought that came through my mind. God's mercies and grace intersect at the cross. The cross where His Son died and paid the ultimate price...in order that grace may be extended to me. There was this overwhelming sense of shame that came over me because here is God once again reaching out to me, and allowing me to be embraced by his love and to lean on him...and there I was, stuffing some other cookie, biscuit, or donut in my mouth. I realize that His mercies are new...but enough is enough. My desire to be set apart for Him and my desire to eat poorly have intersected and has made a HOT MESS! But again, the good news is that He can make beauty from my mess!
So with my glass half full...of water, I am brushing off the crumbs and powdered sugar stumbling blocks of these past 30 days and pressing on with new passion and spirit that is coming from Him. Thanks to those readers, friends, and family who were keeping me accountable. It was embarrassing and refreshing at the same time to have you checking in and supporting me and my friends! By the way, through all this, I have found a challenge to participate in my first triathlon in the fall! So training will begin soon and those training sessions could be a blog series all on its own! HA HA